Monday Madness #10

Baking the SAD away

So it’s nearing 11 PM now and I have a Vegan Peanut Butter Pie in the oven. On the whole mental front, I have been pretty stressed over school and was very happy to be able to put some of that stress (and also aggression and frustration) into smashing cookies inside a small plastic bag with a huge spoon (would have wanted a hammer, but that could have made too much damage on the table, and I didn’t even find one). And I just got the pie out of the oven now. Smells so good =3 

ANYWAY. 

I’ve noticed I’ve become a bit of an insomniac. I can’t sleep without a sleep-aid. I take one (or sometimes I have to take two) 5 mg tablet of Melatonin pretty much every night now. Still I tend to wake up at least three times a night. I know it probably has to do with the stress I have stuck up my cranium but it has me scared of going to sleep… I have already made some sort of sleeping ritual, as I can’t sleep (or rather, won’t) in anything else except one of the four of my girlfriend’s t-shirts she gave me to have at home. I also have my teddybear and her unicorn toy that I hug onto. I guess that doesn’t make me a nutcase, or does it?

I don’t remember exactly how many days it has been since the last time I cut but… roughly, it has been way over a month. And I consider it a good thing I don’t remember. It’s just a sign that I’m onto a better track here. I don’t need it. Sure, I have my scars but they’re part of me just like everything else. It reminds me of everything I’ve gotten through and that I have the strength to get through a lot more. And it makes me take things into perspective. I don’t let things get to me as easy, I guess.

The darkness and dampness are sure getting at me. I get my sad moments. I’ll cry more easy. I’m amping up on my vitamins and doing lots of baking and writing and dancing since those three keep me away from the somewhat stage of depression I have lurked around for the past… five years? And I have my darling to keep me smiling =)

There was some snow on the ground today when I woke up at 11 AM. I had been doing a Biology Lab Design till 2:30 AM so when my alarm went off at 7:30 AM I just turned it off and skipped my morning lessons, since I would have had a three hour break after them anyway. It’s funny that I didn’t even feel bad. I deserved those extra hours of sleep. 

It’s my 10th Monday Madness entry =3 I have noticed that Shah has probably stopped doing the Linky on Mondays at her blog. I reckon I’ll still be doing these. Doing this has really helped me. 

I think my version of the pie turned out pretty good ^__^

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3 kommenttia artikkeliin ”Monday Madness #10

  1. I know this time of the year can get you down in the dumps sweetheart, but I want you to know I'm proud you are keeping your chin up. You make me smile every single day, and I'll do all I can to return the favor <3

    I love you with all my heart and soul. The pie looks great! It looks good enough that I would have stayed up past midnight to eat it XD

    You aren't a nutcase =P I'll give you more t-shirts on your next visit. Soon you'll have more of my clothes than even I do =) haha

    I'm thinking of you <3<3<3

    Tykkää

  2. A great post -(That pie is scrumptious looking). Sorry about Monday Madness. I stopped it a while ago and no one even said anything – that tells me a lot! You were one of the longest serving participants.

    Regarding being a co-host, let me know which linky that is for, etc. Never done all this before either so if you have any pointers or ideas – I'm totally open to them. shahwharton@gmail.com 😀 Hope your feeling less cloudy, more lit by sunshine today. X

    Tykkää

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